FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
