the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize