i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
