Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
