every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
