jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize