there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
