Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
