I wannas sexs uuuuu
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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