NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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