Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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