he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
