...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
