dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can I color on your dick again?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
