my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
