Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
