Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
