Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
