I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
