Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
