Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Alive.
So much puke
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
