You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
