Sponge bath it is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
