Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
