New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
