I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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