Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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