he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
did i just pee glitter
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
