He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
