i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
