My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
