I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
