I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
