I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
