please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
