Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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