bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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