Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
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