Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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