Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
