Porn is love you can see.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize