got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
