I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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