Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
