I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Welp...herpes.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
