Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
