Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
