I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
