I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
