I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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