who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
