Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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