went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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