I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize