dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
