cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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