I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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