you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
