i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
