I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
