Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Randomize
