Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
