now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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