Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
