Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
