There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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